New parent here, and this is something I think about a lot for myself and my kid. Besides helping my kid be curious and support him in pursuing his interests, it is also important to (somehow) help him learn that he will sometimes lose interest, it’s ok to revisit this interest in the future, and how to find new interests. I don’t know what’s the best approach yet, and I’ll admit I’m figuring this out for myself too.
As someone who's in a competitive private school, I definitely relate to what you see. Students stressing about how many APs they're taking, what score they got on the SAT, etc.
But also, as a former "gifted" kid who didn't really have the drive to build and "laissez-faire" parents, I do wish they pushed me harder when I was young.
Maybe tiger parenting isn't right for smart kids with an entrepreneurial spirit, but many kids aren't smart or entrepreneurial and they need the helicoptering to succeed in a competitive society.
Sometimes life isn’t about “shaping the future”, it’s about noticing the world around you and delighting in it. Yes learn math, but also, don’t diminish the value of a sleep over. Life is short, and there’s more to it than “what products have you shipped, now let’s make that the currency of your self worth.” Capitalist America needs a value vibe check
Interesting . I Also find it quite distasteful that vcs fetishize the childhood trauma stories. Perhaps you might enjoy my post “why are you a founder”. Lmk what you think
I see where you're coming from, but I'd argue that agency might be more temperamental than environmental. I grew up under similarly strict academic pressure, and my brain just read it as leverage rather than something to comply with or rebel against. The environment was the same; the wiring was just different.
(Note: I'm not romanticising agency as some God trait — if anything it's caused me more trouble than not for most of my life. It's only really worked in my favour recently, running my own companies where the risk tolerance and refusal to wait for permission is actually an asset.)
One hundred percent agree! I am so thankful to my parents who always encourages such thinking in me and encouraged me to follow my random interests and often times even listened to me drone on and on about them. Support your kids in their interests and curiosities, and watch them bloom! <3
100% agree. As someone who grew in the bay area bubble, I only learned the passion for curiosity and growth in college in the midwest. Even though my parents were never really the “tiger” parents, the influence of those around me caused me to act in checkboxes. Not just parents, but the systems need to adjust as well.
This is wild. And scary. Bay area is a clear anomaly but I wonder how many of these hyper functioning kids will grow up to be successful but without a loving family of their own. Agency should also render people conscious of the power to be their own person, rather than be on a perpetual mission to make others proud of them.
"So to parents: Stop fearing standardized tests or B-minuses."
Should definitely fear those, though. Gotta keep the kids away from institutionalized schooling at all costs. If your schedule and engagement rhythm is hard-coded, you sit around all day and you need to ask for permission to go to the bathroom... that's not gonna erode agency, agency will never be instilled in their formative years in the first place. Learning it later is harder and more painful. Maybe an hour a day of basic reading and math instruction is worthwhile, and the rest of the time, better send the kids into the woods to have fun doing social, physically engaging Scout stuff till age 12. If you send them back into formal schooling at age 12, they'll be ahead of their normie peers by age 13.
Inspiring to see genuinely great parenting advice come from a person who’s 19 and has no kids!
gently, i do not ask people who do not work on cars to work on my car, tyvm
New parent here, and this is something I think about a lot for myself and my kid. Besides helping my kid be curious and support him in pursuing his interests, it is also important to (somehow) help him learn that he will sometimes lose interest, it’s ok to revisit this interest in the future, and how to find new interests. I don’t know what’s the best approach yet, and I’ll admit I’m figuring this out for myself too.
As someone who's in a competitive private school, I definitely relate to what you see. Students stressing about how many APs they're taking, what score they got on the SAT, etc.
But also, as a former "gifted" kid who didn't really have the drive to build and "laissez-faire" parents, I do wish they pushed me harder when I was young.
Maybe tiger parenting isn't right for smart kids with an entrepreneurial spirit, but many kids aren't smart or entrepreneurial and they need the helicoptering to succeed in a competitive society.
Sometimes life isn’t about “shaping the future”, it’s about noticing the world around you and delighting in it. Yes learn math, but also, don’t diminish the value of a sleep over. Life is short, and there’s more to it than “what products have you shipped, now let’s make that the currency of your self worth.” Capitalist America needs a value vibe check
good one. the more I think about it - the smart ones are those who can think for themselves and are high agency
Interesting . I Also find it quite distasteful that vcs fetishize the childhood trauma stories. Perhaps you might enjoy my post “why are you a founder”. Lmk what you think
LOL (also I'm sitting in a VC thing right now and there was a comment on gay founders -- the word was "it's negligible")
fund for only straight women next LOL
I see where you're coming from, but I'd argue that agency might be more temperamental than environmental. I grew up under similarly strict academic pressure, and my brain just read it as leverage rather than something to comply with or rebel against. The environment was the same; the wiring was just different.
(Note: I'm not romanticising agency as some God trait — if anything it's caused me more trouble than not for most of my life. It's only really worked in my favour recently, running my own companies where the risk tolerance and refusal to wait for permission is actually an asset.)
Freedom to fail & follow random interest (especially when not productive) is so important.
One hundred percent agree! I am so thankful to my parents who always encourages such thinking in me and encouraged me to follow my random interests and often times even listened to me drone on and on about them. Support your kids in their interests and curiosities, and watch them bloom! <3
100% agree. As someone who grew in the bay area bubble, I only learned the passion for curiosity and growth in college in the midwest. Even though my parents were never really the “tiger” parents, the influence of those around me caused me to act in checkboxes. Not just parents, but the systems need to adjust as well.
Really a very good perspective on parenting
I just hit the subscribe button. Love it! Think I am getting as addicted to Substack as I am to YouTube :)
Great piece , astute observations. I’m wondering how to raise my kids in such a high agency manner.
This is wild. And scary. Bay area is a clear anomaly but I wonder how many of these hyper functioning kids will grow up to be successful but without a loving family of their own. Agency should also render people conscious of the power to be their own person, rather than be on a perpetual mission to make others proud of them.
"So to parents: Stop fearing standardized tests or B-minuses."
Should definitely fear those, though. Gotta keep the kids away from institutionalized schooling at all costs. If your schedule and engagement rhythm is hard-coded, you sit around all day and you need to ask for permission to go to the bathroom... that's not gonna erode agency, agency will never be instilled in their formative years in the first place. Learning it later is harder and more painful. Maybe an hour a day of basic reading and math instruction is worthwhile, and the rest of the time, better send the kids into the woods to have fun doing social, physically engaging Scout stuff till age 12. If you send them back into formal schooling at age 12, they'll be ahead of their normie peers by age 13.